Realization – To be or not to be

I came to a stark realization a few weeks ago after a particular date.

I was set up by a friend and therefore got some great feedback into the psyche of the female brain after i take them out. Some of which were exectly what i wanted to hear, what were meant to be insults were actually great compliments. Other things were just the laments of the 30 some year old entitled princess about to hit the wall, if she hasn’t already, i got a glimpse as to why at her age she isn’t married/LTR nor have any kids. Dodged that bullet, gotta love gossiping friends!

But this feedback reveled to me the disappointing fact why “dates” per se haven’t been working for me as of late.

You see when i first started to learn about Game and all its wonderful intricacies, i failed to accurately determine at which point on the scale i was starting off at. There’s the advice floating in the manosphere to “not be yourself” and “be the man you should be” – Great advice if you’re a man starting at or near the bottom of the barrel. I apparently wasn’t starting near the bottom, and i took that advice seriously.

In turn, i was behaving too strongly, too one sided and one dimension, i didn’t have the right balance. I have now come to the realization that i used to have more of that “right balance.” With the feedback (gossip) that i’ve heard, and putting the pieces together, i noticed when i wasn’t putting up that front of not being myself, i had more successful interactions with people around me with every day affairs (haircuts – Bank services – Government services – etc.), So metaphorically speaking, a light went off and it all became clear to me.

It definitely showed an immense difference when a week later i took a different girl out, i toned it down, and became more myself. The night was 100% more successful, and things flowed as it should. She’s excited when i make contact and the likes.

Looks like this only happened while on dates since i was consciously behaving a certain way, amping up different aspects, and experimenting.

I’m going back to my old, albeit more refined, behavior.

Lesson learned: Know where you initially stand before taking advice to the maximum.


8 responses to “Realization – To be or not to be

  • Spacetraveller


    Oh the dynamics of life!

    it always feels like one can’t get the balance right, no?



  • Lost

    It’s really an art, you have to be aware of your inner balance.
    And its easy to lose sight of it, i do enjoy fine tuning it though

  • sexuallifeofawife

    Definitely better to be yourself… Otherwise when and if things get serious how can you continue to be liked for being someone who is not the real you… ; )

    • Lost

      Well that’s the million dollar question isn’t it?
      What if being “yourself” isn’t getting you what you want, shouldn’t you try to be something you are not in order to get it?
      And once you fake it for so long, doesn’t it become you? After so long, the “being not yourself” you, becomes “being yourself”

      • sexuallifeofawife

        Mmmm, I guess if being yourself is not getting you want you want and you aren’t happy then maybe…
        But can you really fake it for so long?

      • Lost

        Look at it this way.

        Say i have no confidence in the things i do and i have low self-esteem. For me having confidence and self esteem is not natural for me.
        One day i wake up and i despise my life, i despise how i feel, i can’t get a relationship because i am negative and always self deprecating. I meet a man who embodies everything i want to be, he is sure of himself, full of confidence and positive energy.
        So i start behaving like he does, basically faking it, since naturally i am more of a negative person so i have to constantly remind myself to be positive, to be confident and to not put myself down. i like how this makes me feel so as time goes by it becomes easier and easier to be that positive person, and everyone new that i meet knows me as that confident positive person.
        Until one day i just am that person i worked hard to be, i do not need self reminders, i have just become that person, and everyone i know, knows me as that person
        i faked it til i made it.
        You dont need to fake it anymore because its just being yourself
        And this, is a true story.

        no matter what you want to change, if you have that conviction and willpower, you will change it and it will eventually define you.

      • sexuallifeofawife

        Oh, I see what you mean. The actor really becoming the part… Good for you though – it takes guts to do that I think!

      • Lost

        Indeed it does, thanks

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